I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
