i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
