Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
