I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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