Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
