google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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