Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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