Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
