I can tuck mytits in my pants
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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