Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
