Porn is love you can see.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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