Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
