I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
