They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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