Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
