I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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