I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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