So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
