from now on my penis is your penis
It's Friday. Sex?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
