Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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