at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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