just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
