This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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