i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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