Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
