I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize