Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
