Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
