The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
