Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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