If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
