oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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