Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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