He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
