Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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