I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
