i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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