Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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