Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
