i permit you to call me
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
