Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
