why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
