Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
