Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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