I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
