There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize