ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Vodka?
Forever.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Everclear isn't food dammit
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
