well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
