Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
