my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
