I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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