worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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