I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
