It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
