Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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