It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The adults are the big ones right?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
