His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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