if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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