I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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