There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Two words: nipple clamps
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