I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
