i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
