I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
