I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize