Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
