I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
