We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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