It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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