handjob tips. give me some.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
