Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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