I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
