omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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