it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
