if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
