totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
